Longest birthday ever!

My birthday is in the beginning on February, but this year my birthday began in late January and has only finished today. My husband bought me a horse trail ride for my birthday, something I have always wanted to do, the trail ride happened while we were on a weekend get-a-way in a little country town called 'Grandchester' near Ipswich. My little brother bought me and my husband tickets for Movieworld on the Gold coast, and that is where we went today (my brother and sister came too).

We had a great day, my husband and brother went on the Superman ride (and loved it!), we all went on the Scooby Doo Spooky Coast, saw the Stunt Car show, the Shrek 4D movie, watched the All star parade, and my husband, me and my sister went on the Batman 2 ride. We all had a great time!

The only downside was lunch, you can no longer bring food into any of the theme parks on the Gold Coast, which does make it more expensive to go to a theme park. But in Movieworld the food they have on offer (that you have no choice but to buy) is to be frank awful. My husband had an Angus burger and after eating it felt sick enough that he had to stop going on any rides, I had 'chicken' which didn't look, smell or even taste like chicken and we paid alot of money for the food as well. Next time we will be bring fruit in with us so that we actually have something decent in our stomachs. The website said that you could bring in fruit, bottled water and any food for special dietary requirements, but my husband was concerned that we wouldn't be able to bring the fruit in inside a cooler so we left it in the car. BIG mistake. I don't think that I would necessarily mind so much that we can't bring our own food in if what was on offer was actually worth the money you paid for it.

Well that is my little rant for the week. Still waiting to hear the outcome from my job interview yesterday, I do feel that I did well and could really see myself working in the store and am ever so excited about the possibility of working in the scrapbooking industry. Best thing is that these lovely people who own the store have gone about things alot better then the last scrapbooking store I worked in. This store is in a great location and in highly visible with pink windows, they already have people anxiously waiting to get into the store and papers are ringing wanting them to put ad in. The best thing is that this store isn't the only form of income, and it is something they have been working towards for the last 10 years. I really don't want to get too excited about this job, I have been soooo very hurt before, emotionally. I am just trying to keep reminding myself that it is all apart of God's plan and if this is the path for me then it will happen, if not.....then it won't.

Karma

Defined as : seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation.

This afternoon me and my husband are catching up on our Facebook friends and I am also answering emails. When karma leaped into conversation, one of my husbands work mates has put up on Facebook that they are sick in bed, and another person who my husband use to work with commented with 'karma'.

A couple of months ago our bible study did a series about world religions, their origins and how they are similar and/or differ from Christianity. Really interesting. We looked at karma in relation to Hinduism and Buddhism, essentially the definition at the top of this post says it all. And to be honest it all seems like a bit of a cope out, it heaps all responsibility for what happens to each of us squarely into our own laps. This includes sickness, death and natural disasters.

I think I do need to clarify, we are the ones who make the choices in our lives, choice is something that God gave all of us. If we smoke, take illegal drugs or drink excessively then there are health consequences, lung cancer, liver problem etc... But to say that the people who died in the terrible Victorian bushfires, or the recent earthquakes deserved what happened to them is (I think) going too far, and is quite frankly cruel.

If karma was true then what would be the point to helping people who were affected by these sort of disasters? According to karma those people deserved it right? I think not. Personally I prefer to live by God's commandments of 'love the Lord with all your heart and with all your mind' and 'love your neighbours as yourself'.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, because it was apart of God's plan. I don't believe that God makes us sick, or causes natural disasters, but he does use these events in our lives to teach and make us stronger. Through God's love a negative can have some powerful positive results.

Offically 6 months

With the end of February comes the 6 months anniversary of becoming unemployed. Nothing to celebrate and I'm not, but I have taken time to reflex on my journey. I think the hardest thing has been that I didn't realise that how I viewed myself was linked so heavily with the job that I had, that my identity was so wrapped up in my job. Now looking back that seems so crazy, why on earth did I allow that to happen. I am much more than what that job said about me.

I am still not sure where I am actually going, I know that God has a plan for me but as for what that is I just don't know. I do know that I am enjoying my life right now, I am busy, busy with things that bring me a great sense of satisfaction. Youth Group, Bible Study and the pre-teen girls mentoring program these are things that I absolutely love. I have a few other things coming along that I am looking forward to, so all and all I am happier than I ever was at my job.

So am going to keep on keeping on and trying my hardest to listen to what God is telling me, oh yeah and pray.

Something that spoken to my heart

I was doing my bible reading this morning and this verse which I had previously highlighted but still loved the words, and I think that it was something that I needed to hear.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Psalm 62:2

I have been learning to rely on God more in my daily life, especially now with my unemployment which I have been struggling with. The enemy has been flooding my head some days with negative thoughts and guilt, but I have been fighting those thoughts and feelings. And this verse certainly does help the fight. No matter how I feel or what is going on God will not leave me, He has always been there, and when things are at it's worse I can rest in His embrace until I am strong enough to continue on.

I don't think that I have ever been so focused on fully relying on God this much before, I know through talking with my Pastor and my wonderful husband that I have to turn to God in this time, and He will give me the strength and guidance that I need. And that is so true, I can a test to that.

If that is one piece of advice that I can give to anyone who is unemployed and is struggling with depression and guilt, turn to God open a Bible and start reading. Also pray daily for guidance and strength.

God's hand clear & loud

I really thought that my job interview was just like any other interview that I have had, I mean so happy and blessed to have gotten it. But other than that it was going to be like any other interview, I was very very wrong.

Turns out that God had a big hand in me getting this interview. I know that God has had a hand in all the interviews that I have had, just with this one I was able to see clear as day God's hand. While I was at the interview that lady I was interviewing with 'H' told me that the newspaper (found the job ad on the newspaper website) had put the wrong closing date on the ad, and in fact the ad had closed weeks previous to me sending in my resume. She had received hundreds of late application letters and only opened 5, one of those was me. And of that 5 mine stood out and I got an interview, which was way after the official interviews. During the interview the fact that I had a short work history was a sign of loyalty, which they were looking for, and my history of having to look after my Mum after graduating from Uni showed how important family was to me, again what they are looking for. And my work as a youth leader with church show them my leadership skills and my ease with working with teenagers, there will be about 4 junior casuals working for the business, also my involvement and importance of church show that I had a grounding in the community and had a good support base.

I honestly couldn't believe it, everything that I always worry about telling/explaining to prospective employers my short work history, why I never used my degree, the importance of church most employers don't seem to understand or respect any of that. But H saw everything as a positive and was exactly the qualities that they were looking for.

I find out tomorrow if I have gotten the job, I have been praying that I do. I mean God's hand was so evident, He made sure that I got that interview. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I will pray for the job. I do desperately want this job, it seems like I was meant for it, but I am so scared of that thought. Scared of the disappointment if I don't get the job, but I have to trust God. He is the one who got me this interview, have to trust.

Though no matter what the outcome this interview has defiantly given me a boost in how I feel about myself, it made me feel good about myself and have to say alittle confident in myself.

Something I should have done, and highly recommend

Last Friday while me and my husband were at our church's youth group, and I was chatting with our Pastor he was asking how I was going. Just after I got fired I had asked to get some counseling so I could just work through how I was feeling, but things came up and I was able to go through with the counseling. On Friday night our Pastor brought up the counseling and I thought that it was a good idea.

So that is where I went today; and honestly I am glad that I did. It was just nice to talk about everything, not just about losing my job but also about other things in my life that have or are affecting me. He also helped me develop a sort of plan of attack, especially when it comes to the negative thoughts from the enemy that can sometimes get into my head.

1/ Recognise the negative thoughts for what they are and make an effort change my thinking to something more positive.

2/ Set a side 1 to 3 afternoons a week as active job search days, where I drop off resumes search the internet and go and join job agencies.

3/ Go and do some work with a volunteer organisation, thinking about going back to work for a rainforest reserve or local zoo.

4/ As a last resort think about furthering my education, doing a bridging course and becoming a teacher (not sure about this one, not sure if teaching is really for me)

The most important thing is that I have someone other than my husband to be accountable for. That I think is going to be the key to fighting the negative thought and depressive feelings that I have been struggling with.

I am so blessed to have such a caring and supportive Pastor, sometimes you can feel alittle isolated when you have been unemployed for an extended period of time but my Pastor didn't forget, and has always just checked in from time to time. Counseling is something that I totally recommend, especially if you can find some who you can be accountable to, especially if you are finding it hard to stay motivated. Which I am starting to find difficult.

My Pastor did bring up something that I hadn't thought of but know of all to well, that I have to be open that my not having a job right now could have a really important reason behind it. I have experienced that often in the last few years, I was at the first job for 5 years I didn't like the job and tried everything to get another job. Then my Mum had to be hospitalised with depression for a whole year and I had to look after her and my siblings as my Dad had to move north for work. Then a few years later Mum suffered complications from some heart surgery and I sat by her side and helped Dad look after himself and my sister. I wouldn't have been able to be there for my family if not for my boss at my first job, he allowed me to reduce my hours where needed and have time off when I required it, he was a blessing and I am very grateful for him. I have had opportunity to help friends and family over the last month and a bit (which I have spoken about in previous blogs).

Ultimately I know that God has a plan for my life, just don't know what that plan is or what will happen in the future. Who knows we might start a family and won't have to worry about finding a new job at all, well...God knows, he just won't let on. But I will keep praying and reading my bible, oh yeah and having faith.

No dig all done

Finally got into the garden today and built my no-dig-veggie-garden, I will defiantly post some pictures tomorrow (promise!) I was just too tired after I finished. I planned to go out at about 1-2pmish to avoid the heat of the day, that didn't work within 20mins I was dripping with sweat. but it was worth it. So far we only have 6 lettuce plants and some brown onion plants but as soon as the tomato plants & basil plants germinate there will be more for the new veggie patch. I will also be getting some carrots.

I really enjoyed building the veggie patch this afternoon. Something about being outside and just letting the hours pass moving dirt and playing with water. Above all else this garden means that I am contributing to the grocery bill, and it is healthier for us.

I am just so happy about what I have been able to achieve in one afternoon, I know that I can do almost anything that I set my mind to, and alittle planning too. It has taken me three days to get this veggie patch going. I don't like to do things too quickly, I find that you don't do things well if you do things too quickly. There really is nothing wrong with doing alittle planning before doing anything.

I plan to the point where I have a written plan of my new veggie patch and am already mentally planning the idea of having a compost heap or worm farm. Thinking the later is the best bet as we don't produce alot of scraps only being the two of us. There I go! More planning, I really think that my natural want to plan is the key to surviving being unemployed, though it is still important to remember that ultimately no matter how much I plan I am not incharge and that God has a plan for me.

Tomorrow I am itching to get into the garden again, this time I want to weed some of the other garden beds. We also have Youth Group tomorrow night, we are playing basketball, which means that we will have a good turn out. We have a big turn out when we play netball and basketball is more of a game that more of the Youth (particularly the boys) enjoy so we could very well have a huge turn out!

Just when I thought I was winning

The battle against my depressive feelings was something I thought I was winning, I had a great plan for today and the rest of the week. I was feeling quite good, considering. Then the phone rang.....it was the person that I had the interview with last Monday. She said that they didn't have any positions for me, I was glad being actually told but it was a bit of a kick in the guts. And it was the end of my motivation for the day.

The one thing I have been afraid of is getting so down that I just retreat inside myself and sit on the couch all day eating and watching bad day time TV. Day time TV is always bad. I really thought that I was doing well, but this has just shown me that I still have a long way to go.

We were at friends of our yesterday for lunch after church, and we were talking about unemployment and people who are dole bludgers. And it came up that on average people at the moment (in this economic climate) are without work for 140days, I have been unemployed for about 1 month, so about 30 days. I found that 140days quite depressing, but I am still determined that I am going to get a job, this is one of the best times to be looking for work. This time of the year is prime for employers to be looking for more employees, I wouldn't mind Christmas casual work atleast it would be extra money over the Christmas season.

Ok, now I have to try again tomorrow. I am going to wake up and actually do stuff not sit around and feel sorry for myself. Tomorrow is always another day, God has a plan and I just have to wait.

Maybe.....

Ok....what am I doing? I have been unemployed for something like a month and I honestly still feel like I am walking in circles. What on earth is God's Plan for me? There is one thing I am very aware of, right now me not having a job has been good for other people. I am able to do things for others that I wouldn't have been able to do if I was working. Maybe that is my path right now, being there for others.

I have done a few favours for Mum & Dad, picking up their dogs from the groomers and picking up my sister from her work. I have been able to look after our nephew for my husbands brother and his wife, and also have been available to help them pack and in the next couple of days move to their new house. I have been doing alot of helping, I defiantly enjoy being there for friends and family who need that extra set of hands.

Our car is starting to look like a moving company, with boxes and newspaper!

Though I do feel like I am walking in circles, I am actually satisfied with the way things are. I defiantly think that my sense of satisfaction comes from helping others and that I am really taking the time to have some personal time with God. I have been doing a daily devotional and spending alot of time preparing for Tuesday Night Bible Study. At Tuesday Bible Study we have been doing a great series by our Pastor on different Religions, it has been great getting a real understanding of the history and origins of some of the biggest and most popular religions and also where their short comings lie and how Christianity is always the only way. But I will talk more about that another time, stay tuned!

Keeping busy

Busy, busy, busy you are told to keep busy, keep your brain occupied and you won't be depressed or go crazy. I still replayed the moment over and over in my head for days, still do now. But I have been blessed with an event that I started to organise a couple of week before I got fired.

Girls only events, something we thought up to get the girls at church together who were going away to camp together (this weekend actually). We had a chocolate night last night, took alittle planning up it was worth it. This event was a welcome distraction, and maybe this is God telling me that this is what he wants me to do with my life. I do feel an affiliation with girls, and more so that just because I am a girl. I want the girls at church to know that they have someone that they can talk to, someone who has been there. Especially for the girls who are the oldest in their families, they I feel a special affiliation with afterall I am the oldest in my family. This event has been a great distraction, and I am really looking forward to doing something else.

Speaking of new paths, I have a job interview. 2IC position, with a sporting apparel store, alittle outside my personality but I do love being active. Thing is it's a group interview in the city, abit scary. When I got the email my first reaction was "no not for me", but moving forward does mean taking new chances, pushing myself and this is defiantly pushing myself. I will let you know how it goes.